Tears filled my eyes, then I sucked them back before any rolled down my cheeks. I don't cry. The last time that I cried was when my mom told me that Zac wasn't my brother, and that was about 6 years ago. No reason to start back up again now. I sat down behind the drums and picked up the drum sticks. Then my eyes came across the box that Zac had dropped.
Curiousity filled my mind as I got up and walked over to it. I knew that I shouldn't have opened it, but I had to see what was in it. It looked like a box that roses are delivered in. There was a yellow ribbon tied in a perfect little bow keeping the box shut. I had to smile. Yellow was my favorite color. I slowly peeled the ribbon away and lifted the lid to the box.
There was tissue paper covering the contents. I pulled the tissue paper away and when I saw what was in the box, that's when the tears really poured over my eyes and made stains down my cheeks. My thoughts flashed back to the beginning of summer, and the 1st time that Zac had called me from the road.
"Hey! You will never guess what I got!!" Zac exclaimed excitedly as soon as I answered the phone. He sounded truly excited about whatever he had gotten.
"You're right, you know that I am terrible at guessing games, so you might as well tell me now so you don't have to waste any time." I said, wondering what he could have gotten that was so important.
"I got drumsticks." he said. Was that it? Drumsticks?
"Oooh, wow, drumsticks!" I said with fake enthusiasm. "Big deal, I have about 15 sets of drumsticks."
"No, they're special drumsticks, ya stooge." he said. Stooge was a nickname that he had always called me when I did something stupid. "You can plug them in and they light up and they look really cool." he said.
"Really?" I asked. They sounded really neat. I couldn't wait to see them.
Then I looked down into the white box that was in my arms. There was the light up drumsticks that he had told me about on the phone. He was going to give them to me? I slid one out of the box and held it up to the light. It looked really expensive. I put it back into the box, added the tissue paper back inside and then tied the slender ribbon around the box, and I set it on the couch. Then I got behind the drums and started banging away, away with all my anger that I was feeling.
I guess that I lost track of time because before I knew it, my mom approached me. I stopped playing and looked over at her. She had a content smile on her face.
"Comin' in soon?" she asked. "It's just about midnight."
"Already? Geeze, I guess that I lost track of time." I said, looking at the wall clock. "I'll be in soon, I promise."
"You're getting pretty good." my mom said. "I guess that Zac's a pretty good teacher, huh?"
"Um, I guess that you can say that. Mom?"
"What is it dear?" she asked. I felt really weird talking to her like this because I never really discussed many problems with her before. This was like walking on new ground.
"I, uh, I think that Zac likes me." I said. My mom's eyes widened and she sat down on the couch.
"Okay..." was all that she said. My mom was still young. I dont know how her and Diana became friends. Mom was a good 10 years younger. She was only 29, making her 16 when she had me. I knew that I was what she would have considered an accident and sometimes I wonder if she regrets not getting an abortion. She wasn't really good at the motherly advice thing yet.
"And you know how much that I like Bobby Rictor, right?"
"Yeah, you talked about him constantly today until you two left together." she smiled. "In a way, you two reminded me of your father and myself when we were only 13 years old."
"Anyway, I know that I like Bobby a lot, but I think that I might like Zac, too. But it seems so weird to like him because he's sorta like my brother, y'know? And I dont want to like Zac because of that, plus of Bobby. So, what should I do?"
"Nothing. If you like Zac and he likes you, then its only a matter of time before you realize it. If nothing happens, then it was meant to be like that. But the same thing goes if something does happen. What you are feeling for Zac, is possibly the same feelings that you have for Bobby, if you are feeling some type of feelings, then it's meant to happen. There are no accidents." she said. I nodded, then she smiled again. "You're too young to be worrying about this kind of thing. You're going to get wrinkles."
"But what should I do?"
"Angie, do what you want. Whatever your heart tells you to do." she said, then got up and walked to the door. "Don't be out here too much longer, ok?"
"I won't. Can you turn the lights out for me?" I asked. She flipped the switch and the garage darkened. She closed the door gently behind her. Then I got up and opened the box again. I found an outlet and plugged the drumsticks in. Immediately, they lit up and looked really cool. I sat behind the drums again, and started playing, then sticks blinking different colors and seemed to be changing with the beat of the music. I smiled as the shadows were casting over everything in the garage. It looked so cool. I did the little number in which I entitled "around the world and back again", which consisted of mostly every drum in the set, and a lot of going in order from on side to the other and then hitting the one symbol at the end. I played for about 10 more minutes with the lighted sticks, then unplugged them, put them back in the box and went into the house to go to sleep.
Bobby and I were happy together. We occasionally went out, but mostly he was over at my house. There was numerous times when I tried to teach him a really easy song on the drums, but he didnt't have the right coordination. I only laughed when he picked up the drumsticks and just started hitting random drums, not trying to play much of anything.
My birthday rolled around and I turned 14. I guess that you can say that Zac is a little stubborn around my birthday because he can't stand the fact that I am older than him. Even tho we were back on good terms again, things weren't like they used to be. He still never came out and said that he was going to give me the drumsticks, in fact, they were still in my garage somewhere.
Bobby was over at my house, the day of my birthday and we were in the garage, the one place that we could be alone. Sure, we were allowed in the house, but we never had any privacy there because my mom always acted so weird. Maybe it was because she knew that we really liked each other and it made her think back to my dad. I dunno. I was sitting at my drumset, and he was sitting backwards on a chair watching me. His stare was so intense that it actually made me stop playing.
"What?" I asked him. He smiled.
"It amazes me that you are so good at hitting all those drums and it actually sounds good. Now if I would do that, then it would sound horrible." Bobby said, getting up and walked over behind me sitting on the stool. He knelt down behind me and slid his arms around my waist, causing me to smile. I started playing again, a little symble solo and then he moved the hair away from my neck. He pressed lips on my neck. Tingles, shots of thrill and pleasure ran thru my entire body. I dropped my drumsticks and tilted my head back so our lips could touch. I brought my hand to the back of his neck, his hands still resting around my waist.
The door to the garage opened without a knock and both Bobby and I looked up, some in disappointment, to see who had interupted us. It was Zac. The look on his face was classic. It was the whole "oh, I didn't mean to walk in on you" kind of look.
"Sorry, I didn't know that you had company." Zac said.
"That's ok." I said, looking back at Bobby, who seemed to mind extremely that Zac had stopped by.
"Are you sure I didn't come in the middle of anything? Cause I can always come back later." Zac sorta smirked.
"Nah man, stay. It's your best friends birthday. I dont mind if you guys do some best friend bonding or whatever. As long as we get to have some bonding time of our own later." Bobby said, while running his hand along the length of my back. Zac got a look on his face that seemed to say 'ew, disgusting', but I only smiled and nodded, which led Zac's look to turn to pure shock. Bobby smiled, leaned down, kissed my lips, then walked away. "Call me, I'll come over later."
"Okay." I said, watching him leave.
"Are you sure -- "
"Zac, stay." I demanded. I didn't want him to think that I didn't have time for him anymore. He stayed, then came over and sat down on the same chair that Bobby was sitting on. He turned it around, sat on it backwards and leaned against the back of it.
"So, it seems as tho you and Bobby-boy are getting kinda close, huh?" he asked. I groaned.
"Zac, leave it alone. We're going out. Boyfriends and girlfriends do stuff like that. It's not against the law to kiss." I said. I really didn't feel like getting into this. Not today and not with Zac.
"Yeah, but I can't help but think about if I -- " he said, then trailed off. "Nevermind."
"Look, I said nevermind, ok? Forget it." Zac said, not looking directly at me.
"You know you can't keep secrets from me, Zachary Hanson." I said, getting into his thoughts. He looked up, and our eyes connected. It was his carmel eyes looking into my blue-ish grey eyes, and vice versa. I knew what he was thinking. He knew what I was thinking.
"Neither can you, Angela Sherwood" he said, breaking the long silence that had grown between us. Our stare never broke, and I knew that he knew. We never really needed to talk out loud. We could communicate without any words, but we simply did so others could hear us. But there was no one else in the room, so the words just stopped.
"This isn't right. Not to be feeling right now." I thought.
"But it's there. We can't deny it." he replied. I nodded.
"But there's Bobby -- Zac, you're my brother."
"Angie, please don't think of me like that anymore. You know how I feel and you know how you feel. Stop trying to make yourself think like that."
"I know how I feel. Don't you think that I haven't been confused about this? It seems sorta wrong to think of you like that. I don't want to ruin our friendship." I thought.
"It wouldn't do that. Nothing could ever change what we have together. If anything, we would be closer! Angela, please."
"You don't understand, do you?" I asked aloud. He looked confused. The next words were going to be the hardest and the most difficult to say. "Zac, I don't want to think of you that way."
He nodded, and immediately knew that I was lying. "Like I said before, you can't keep secrets from me." he said. He got up from the chair and knelt beside me. Slowly but surely, his face got closer to mine and then his eyes closed. I closed my eyes, too, and waited to feel his lips on mine. I wanted this to happen as much as I didn't want it happen. Seconds slipped by, but they seemed like hours. He breathed out harshly, then stood up. I opened my eyes, and looked up at him.
"You're right. This isn't right." he said. "Happy birthday."
"Zac! Wait!" I cried, as he walked out of the garage. I ran after him. As I emerged from the garage, he was already half way down the block. I caught up with him, pulled back on his arm and stopped him. When he faced me, I couldn't help myself. I stood on my tip toes, put both of my hands of the sides of his face and pulled down on him slightly.
I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine. He knew that I wanted to do it so badly. There's nothing that you can do to stop the feelings that you have for someone, no matter how wrong they feel. His lips looked so soft and I wanted to touch them with mine so horribly. I bit my lower lip, then it happened. The kiss that I had waited so long for was finally happening, and even then, I couldn't believe it.
We both leaned together at the same time, and as our lips touched, it felt so wonderfully indescribable. Even though the kiss was short, it was meaningful. We both had to be in shock because neither of us did anything for about 3 seconds after we had parted. My hands were still around his face, and his had moved from the side of his body and were resting on my hips.
We looked in each others eyes, then down at the others lips, not fully believing that we had just kissed. Then, almost automatically, they touched again, as if they had minds of their own. This kiss was a lot more in depth, and it lasted for quite a while. Our lips parted again but only for enough time for them to press together with more force than before. Zac's hands ran up and down the curve of my figure as we indulged ourselves in the french kisses.
He finally backed away, breathed out heavily, and removed his hands from my waist. "I, um, guess that I better get going." he said, looking in the direction of his house.
"Zac -- "
"Happy birthday." he smiled, then leaned over and kissed my cheek. "I'll see ya later."
I reached over and took his hand in mine. "I don't want you to leave." My eyes bore into his, telling him the absolute truth. I didn't want him to leave. I wanted more than what we had just experienced. He was questioning me, but I only tugged on his hand to go into the house.
"No, Ang, I have to go." he said, pulling away.
I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want to be away from him. It was as tho everything that I didn't want to happen was and there was no way to stop the feelings that I was feeling at that moment. I looked so deeply into his eyes.
"Zac, I uh, I mean…what I want to say is that"
"You don't have to explain anything Ang. I know what you want to say. You want to say that you're sorry for what just happened and that it was a mistake."
"Actually, no. I'm not sorry that that just happened. It was no mistake, either. But, in a way it was. I like Bobby." I said. Zac looked down.
"I know you do. But I really have to go. I'll see 'ya around. Later." Zac said, taking off down the block. He was so incredibly cute. I couldn't believe what had just happened. What was going on? I know that I like Bobby, a lot, but now this happened with Zac and I don't know what I am going to tell Bobby! Wait a minute, I'm not going to tell him anything. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Oh, this is going to riding on my conscience forever.