Chapter 7 - If Only

"Fourteen," I replied. He appeared to be taken aback by my answer. We continued playing the game and taking breaks every now and then. We changed sitting positions a few times to ease the numbness that would begin in our butts from the hard uncomfortable lean-to bench. I asked him to tell me about his band.

He began telling me everything about it from how many members there are to how many times they’ve changed it’s name. He seemed so full of life and enthusiasm when he talked about music. That must definitely be his thing. When he stopped talking everything became silent. Our eyes connected for what seemed to be forever. I couldn’t think of anything to say so I leaned forward and let our lips touch. It wasn’t the way a kiss should be though and so I immediately pulled away. It was so wrong! Why did I do that? It wasn’t even a kiss, it was so empty, cold, and unfulfilling. As I pulled further away our eyes connected again. He appeared to be questioning me but I couldn’t offer him any answers. He quickly looked away. The comfort that had enclosed me before was unraveling.

“Umm....” I said to break the dead silence growing between us, “So what did you say the name of your band was?”

“Oh wow!” I exclaimed, “did you see that?” I asked Taylor referring to the shooting star that had just smeared it’s bright colors over the black sky.

“It was beautiful,” Taylor’s soulful voice filled the fresh night air. He moved his eyes onto me and in the corner of my eye I saw him staring at me. I looked at him but he looked away nervously. I put my head into his chest and allowed for his arm to go around my body.

“You must be freezing,” I noticed goose bumps on his bare arms. I was wearing a fleece but Taylor was in short sleeves.

“Yeah it is pretty cold,” he admitted. Say no more. I wrapped my arms around his body pulling him in closer.

“Is that better?” I asked.

“Actually yes, thanks,” Taylor rested his cheek on my head.

“No problem. So tell me more about yourself.”

“I don’t know, where do I start?” Taylor questioned then began, “Well I love to play soccer. I’m home schooled so I played on a rec team for a few years but stopped this year to try something new.”

“Home schooled?” I was curious, “How’s that work out?”

“It’s pretty good, I mean, my dad’s job moves us around a lot so it works out,” he explained.

“Oh but what about Isaac? Is he in college?”

“Yeah he still lives at home though cause he goes to Holy Name which is right in Tulsa.”

“That’s cool I guess.”

“Sort of. I like having him around, sometimes, but the three of us share a room so I could really use the extra space.”

“You have more younger siblings right?” I asked remembering all the noise I heard outside their cabin and recalling the bucket of toys spilled on their porch.

“Yeah we’re a big family. Besides Ike and Zac there’s Jessica, Avery, Mackie, and Zoe is a baby.”

“Woah, that is a big family! And you’re all home-schooled?”

“Yep.” I felt his breath on my cheek as his grasp on me tightened. He kissed my forehead and then rested his head on mine again. He began humming softly and sweetly a melody that I couldn’t recognize.

“Whatchya humming?” I asked.

“Some song I’ve been writing.”

“For your band?”

“Nah, I only wrote one verse so far. Sitting here with you reminded me of it,” He smiled and dimples formed on each cheek.

“How does it go? Will you sing it for me?”

He sang, “I sit here waiting, wondering, hoping that I’ll make this right cause all I think about is your hands, your face, and all these lonely nights, there’s a feeling screaming in the back of my head sayin’ over and over: I want to hold you and love you in my arms and then I want to need you cause I need to be with you til the end.”

I was speechless, in awe of his evident incredible talent. His voice was so smooth and his song sounded better than anything I’d ever heard. He gazed at me now waiting for a response, “That was amazing,” I told him.

“I wrote it about you,” his eyes fixed on mine.

“You did not! We just met!” I argued.

“I did. I haven’t had a steady girlfriend in a year and I wrote that last week. I was picturing my dream girl. Who knew it would only be a week until I’d find her.”

I blushed then looked back to him wondering if his eyes were sincere. I hear a lot of lines and I’m never sure if the guy really means it or if he just wants me to believe that for an hour or two so he can have fun with me. I know that’s usually what they want and I always can tell if they mean what they say and what they mean what what they say by the look in their eyes. However, they usually never say something so binding and intense as that they’ve found the girl of their dreams, especially if we’d only just met. Taylor’s innocent eyes and gentle expression assured me he was true though. It seemed unreal. How could such a beautiful and talented guy really be in love with me? He’d just met me! Perfect guys don’t fall for me! And if they are perfect and fall for me then I was wrong about the perfect part and find out later that they’re a jerk, creep, liar, rapist. Well, never the latter, but you get the idea. What am I thinking? There I go persecuting a sweet little Christian boy.

Taylor caressed my cheek, “You have such soft skin.”

I held his face, slowly feeling it with my fingers, “so do you.” I studied his face for a moment: his big blue eyes and the way his blonde tresses fell over them, the grand arcs of his eye brows and the way his lips curled upwards. I closed my eyes and leaned in toward him. I immediately felt his warm lips on my own and gave in to their passion.

Slow, gentle kisses at first that became more intense by the second until I felt as though we were bound together. The whole time his hands rested on my cheeks, or combed through my hair. This was different from other situations in which the guy would immediately intrude on some part of my body. The entire night Taylor never even tried to take an advantage of me. It was refreshing, and so I fought the extreme urge I had to take an advantage of him. When our lips parted after our first steamy stream of kisses, Taylor pulled me in to a hug. I closed my eyes and smiled. This was definitely right.

Chapter Six


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Chapter Eight